I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything I've done,
Making it dark when we had the sun,
Stitching up the holes I've made,
Overreacting when things were okay,
Rambling on about how things are my fault,
Regretting not answering all those times you called,
Yelling at you when I had no idea why,
Forgetting how hard it is to see me cry,
Opening up when I needed to stay closed,
Realizing how much I left you alone,
Eating up all your words and using them against you,
Verifying that you loved me because I didn't believe you,
Earning your respect and then losing it again,
Running away when you needed a friend,
Yearning for more when you gave me the world,
Trying to hold you straight when you twisted and twirled,
Hating when you kept me at the end of the line,
Ignoring you when you just wanted some time,
Not returning all that I still owe you,
Giving up when things didn't go how I wanted them to.

Even though the journey could have been a little better,
We sure as hell got through it together.
If there's one thing I know that I do,
It's unconditionally loving you.
And that is something I will never be sorry for.

Wish

He's sitting beside me, holding my quivering hands and staring into my slowly dimming eyes. There wasn't anyone in the entire world I'd rather have beside me than him. Everyone I'd ever known had left me in the dark and never came back for me, but he found me and he kept me. Besides God, he was the only one I'd ever fully surrendered to. This was harder for him than it was for me, even though it was my life that was disappearing more each second. But, that was exactly it. I was dying. I could feel it in my bones and I could feel it in my heart; the slow, deep, cold feeling of death seeping in through my fingertips and spreading throughout my insides. This world was taking me away from him, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't sure if I should tell him what's happening, but I decided to; the silence was making it harder to keep my sanity.
"Kevin?"
He didn't turn his head all the way to look at me; he avoided looking at anything but my eyes so he wouldn't see my dying body. Silence surrounded us once again.
"I can feel it," I whispered to him, trying not to let him see me hurting. He looked at me quizzically, still not saying anything. His thumb stroked the back of my hand as he clenched it tighter.
"It doesn't hurt...but I can feel it..." I forced out of my mouth, tears starting to roll down my cheeks. I looked up at him, and his brown eyes were wide and bright; he knew what I was talking about.
"No, no, no...no, Amanda, you can't! You can't leave me!" he cried, burying his face in my hands.
"Please, Kevin, don't be upset...I need to tell you something important," I still whispered. It had hit me that I didn't have enough strength to speak any louder.
"Amanda..." he shook his head, but I wrapped my cold hands around his face.
"Kevin, listen. I just want one thing from you before it's too late."
I had to pause, my tears making it hard to speak. Kevin kept his eyes closed, and I could feel him shaking.
"My only wish is for you to not let this keep you down...do you think you can do that for me?"
It only made it harder to have to watch him cry; it took him a minute to get himself together so he could answer me.
"Anything for you, Amanda." he whispered, leaning in to kiss me. The feeling was starting to take over me, first my body and then my mind. I frantically searched my memories for anything I wanted to say to him these last few minutes. I knew it was coming any second now.
"Kevin, this isn't the end, okay? I'll see you in heaven, you know." I smiled the best I could, stroking his soft cheek with my thumb. He smiled back at me just as I lost feeling in my legs.
"I love you," I choked, feeling my stomach and my chest go numb.
"I love you, Amanda," he said, holding my hands. And then, I was gone.