Forever.

I stopped and stared at a bumble bee pollenating on a flower by the lunch room window. It was buzzing around it like it would never see another flower so beautiful again, like that was it's last chance to ever find such sweet pollen. The flower was blank. It sat there as the crazed bee zoomed and buzzed anxiously over the flower, gaining every last bit of it's sugary pollen...and finally, with one last hesitant look, the bee slowing and uncertainly buzzed away. The sudden bump on my shoulder almost made me fall into the window. Lunch was over. The scuffs of chairs and the chatter of teenagers filled my ears as I refocused on where I was. Get to physics, get to physics. I stared at my feet as I made my way through the crowd of people and up the back stairwell so I could avoid the traffic. I did not wait for him, and he did not wait for me. It was like we were two different people when we had at one time been a single being. We were just like each other and we knew more about the other than we knew about ourselves. He was my other half and I thought I was his. It was hard to believe that only one small thing had turned all of the good into bad in less than 24 hours. All these thoughts in my mind were making me panic inside and out. I had to contain myself before we faced each other again, if we did, and the silent walk to physics would hold me over. Step by step, his name rang throughout my ears and made my heart beat that much faster. I ended up in a hallway where classes were already in session and no one was around to see me falling apart. Good, more time. I thought about what to do next as I focused on remembering how to put one foot in front of the other. What was I supposed to say? How could I fix this? Were we still friends? Would we still talk? Was he still the same guy I fell in love with? Wait...no. I stopped in my tracks and surveyed what I had just said. I was in love with him? No...no no no no no. I had not fallen in love with him...as much as people thought they could prove it, I would not let myself believe that I was in love with him. Quite frankly, I didn't care if it really was true. I would not let myself believe it. My walking started again as I kept correcting the voice in my head. My eyes stayed to my feet and I didn't want to look up. There was no way I would risk seeing him again, not right now. At the first sight of him, I knew I would immediately fall apart. But...I had to. I had to keep my head high. I was not going to let him defeat me. With my courage in check for the moment and my heart on the line, I glanced up from my ripped shoes and immediately saw that electric blue that had been haunting me. He was walking towards me, but did not acknowledge my presence. Never was he as excited to see me as I was excited to see him, that was a given from the beginning. Although he seemed to be looking at me, I knew he wasn't. He was so distant that I don't think he could have seen anything, even if someone held it less than an inch in front of his handsome face. Nervousness immediately seeped through my veins and throughout my body, making my fingertips tingle and my face blood red. All my senses but my emotions and my slowly blurring vision from the tears forming in my eyes were gone. Nothing could be heard but the throbbing of my heart in my chest and his footsteps slowly making their way closer to me. My mind was buzzing hysterically and there was no way I could control myself. The panic was coming, I could feel it...I felt like I was going to be conquered by it that very second, like it was going to make my knees give out and my heart stop beating completely. Was he going to talk to me? What was about to happen? Should I smile? Should I speak? Should I move? We were getting closer and closer with each second, and I could feel the blood leave my face. I felt like a ghost floating toward him. But even though all my senses were distorted my his mere presence, I knew the pain would double the minute he made contact with me. I didn't know what I wanted; did I want him to embrace me? Did I want him to see through my ghost and pull me out of this trance he had me in? Or did I want him to disappear so I didn't have to feel this way? We were almost a yard away now, and I looked back down at my feet again. I couldn't do this...I didn't have the strength. Taking a deep and defeated breath, I lifted my head up again, and had to hold onto the wall to keep myself from collapsing. He was gone. Shocked and lost, my heart completely skipped a beat. Forcing myself off the wall, I started walking again and sped up my footsteps like I had to catch him...like he was running from me. Was all of that just my imagination? Was he really there? I couldn't take in the fact that in that small yard between us, he had disappeared in thin air. Yet, the faster I walked and the more corners I turned, I could not find him. He was really gone...and I wasn't getting him back. With one last look at the empty corridor, I fainted.