Wish

He's sitting beside me, holding my quivering hands and staring into my slowly dimming eyes. There wasn't anyone in the entire world I'd rather have beside me than him. Everyone I'd ever known had left me in the dark and never came back for me, but he found me and he kept me. Besides God, he was the only one I'd ever fully surrendered to. This was harder for him than it was for me, even though it was my life that was disappearing more each second. But, that was exactly it. I was dying. I could feel it in my bones and I could feel it in my heart; the slow, deep, cold feeling of death seeping in through my fingertips and spreading throughout my insides. This world was taking me away from him, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't sure if I should tell him what's happening, but I decided to; the silence was making it harder to keep my sanity.
"Kevin?"
He didn't turn his head all the way to look at me; he avoided looking at anything but my eyes so he wouldn't see my dying body. Silence surrounded us once again.
"I can feel it," I whispered to him, trying not to let him see me hurting. He looked at me quizzically, still not saying anything. His thumb stroked the back of my hand as he clenched it tighter.
"It doesn't hurt...but I can feel it..." I forced out of my mouth, tears starting to roll down my cheeks. I looked up at him, and his brown eyes were wide and bright; he knew what I was talking about.
"No, no, no...no, Amanda, you can't! You can't leave me!" he cried, burying his face in my hands.
"Please, Kevin, don't be upset...I need to tell you something important," I still whispered. It had hit me that I didn't have enough strength to speak any louder.
"Amanda..." he shook his head, but I wrapped my cold hands around his face.
"Kevin, listen. I just want one thing from you before it's too late."
I had to pause, my tears making it hard to speak. Kevin kept his eyes closed, and I could feel him shaking.
"My only wish is for you to not let this keep you down...do you think you can do that for me?"
It only made it harder to have to watch him cry; it took him a minute to get himself together so he could answer me.
"Anything for you, Amanda." he whispered, leaning in to kiss me. The feeling was starting to take over me, first my body and then my mind. I frantically searched my memories for anything I wanted to say to him these last few minutes. I knew it was coming any second now.
"Kevin, this isn't the end, okay? I'll see you in heaven, you know." I smiled the best I could, stroking his soft cheek with my thumb. He smiled back at me just as I lost feeling in my legs.
"I love you," I choked, feeling my stomach and my chest go numb.
"I love you, Amanda," he said, holding my hands. And then, I was gone.

Alphabet

Always?
Believe me, I'm barely breathing.
Can't you see it through my eyes?
Don't you feel my heart beat?
Even though you promised me you'd stay,
God's still the only one here for me.
Hell burns around your ankles,
Igniting your cold eyes.
Jog your memory,
Kaleidoscope thoughts cloud up your mind.
Listen to what I say,
Maybe you'll finally realize
Nothing can take the pain away.
Open your heart to someone else, but think of me.
Please, just let me rot on my own.
Quit playing these pointless games,
Razor sharp to my soul.
Someday you'll see the damage you've done.
Tell me why you did it.
Uncover what you've hidden from me,
Vast reasons, spreading for miles.
Why did you leave me?
X-ray my heart, see how it's broken?
You need to see what you've destroyed!
Zip up the broken pieces and leave me alone.

How Could You?

I'm so sick of all you stupid people who go around complaining for nothing! You sit there and tell me all this stupid crap about how you can't find a boyfriend, and how no one cares about you, or how fat you are, or any other stupid untrue lie you try and tell to get attention, and you don't even think about what that person has been through! You dont think about how maybe that person has never had a boyfriend in her life and you are sitting there complaining because you're alone for the first time in your life, or maybe all you skinny people who're all beautiful and stuff stand there and tell yourself how fat and ugly you are when the person that passes by you when you has been so overweight all her life and no one likes her because they think she's ugly! WELL HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? Huh? To sit there and talk about all your stupid problems when you don't even see the trouble some other people have?! You all are so stuck up, so full of yourselves and so stupid and pointless that you sit there and make fun of yourselves when you know that NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! So shut up and realize that people have bigger problems than to sit here and hear you whine! I'm so SICK of the crap I have to hear from all you people who complain about all the stuff you simply take for granted! You don't even care enough to realize who youre talking to and what they've been through! I can't believe you, you cold, heartless people! How could you? How could you??

See

Can't you see what's in your face?
What's running in circles all over the place?
Can't you see it pointing at you?
It's waving and hoping you'll see it too.
Can't you see what's missing here?
Shouldn't it aleady be perfectly clear?
Can't you see the matter at hand?
Something black in a tub of white sand?
Can't you see what's obviously there?
It's in the distance, in the midst of your stare.
Can't you see it rolling around?
Demanding your attention, jumping up and down?
Can't you see it cry and shout?
Don't you see what this is all about?
Can't you see the problem now?
You can't possibly miss it, no way, no how!
Can't you see what everyone knows?
It's sitting on the tip or your nose!
Can't you see it walk right by?
It just hit you right between the eyes!
I love you, can't you see?
You're the only one for me.
I've always been there, plain and bold,
but you just left me in the cold.
I told you and told you, but you never heard.
You wouldn't even say a word.
And when you see, what will you do?
Will you tell me that you love me too?
But, no matter how much I want us to be,
It will never happen until you see.